She is from a middle-class family who had never wanted for the basic things in life. She’d be shocked if you told her just a few blocks from her home, some families can afford just one meal on any given day.
She understood the concept of poverty. But the reality of it is buried somewhere in the darkest recesses of her mind that it barely intrudes with her daily life.
If her life depended on it, she’d say only people in Somalia or some war-ravaged country experience that kind of poverty.
So you could understand it when she thinks classic love stories are a reflection of reality. Love happens to people exactly how they are written in those sweet stories. Money simply has no place in them.
My opinion, which got her seriously upset was this:
If you gather a bunch of nice girls from nice respectable homes; put them into a room with some refreshments close by, and ask them to discuss a hot, sizzling issue like dating, more often than not, your group of nice girls would relegate all talk of money in relationships to where they know for sure it belongs.
To these nice girls, money belongs far away from matters of the heart. There is simply no place for crass subjects like money when love is the theme.
What I find fascinating about girls like these is, they actually believe money in dating is like water and oil. They don’t mix. This innocence is so charming.
Somehow, somewhere, as they grow older they lose that charm, but they never lose that believe that money has no place in a relationship. They pass these notions to their own daughters with dedication the way religious myths are handed down through generations even if the facts proof these myths to be just hogwash.
Hundred percent of the time, these nice girls are always the reason men are fixated on the acquisition of money.
Generally, the pattern is like this: guy sees a pretty nice girl from a nice family; he introduces himself. He asks her out.
If she agrees to go out with him, he knows he needs to take her to a place that is befitting of her status as a nice girl from a good family. And of course, everything must be done not to tarnish his budding reputation as a serious young man worthy of her consideration.
The young man, therefore, has to put on an awesome show. Let’s be positive for the sake of this piece and say the girl was impressed. Now the young man is trapped is an endless highway of always trying to meet up with the standards of that first date.
It is in the DNA of men to be at their best with a nice lady. Almost all the time, that involves the spending of money. It is also in our DNA to shield our girls from knowing the sort of toils, sweat, and money we dedicate to wooing them.
We let them know about this mundane stuff later. Mostly, after it is confirmed beyond any doubt that said nice lady is ours to keep.
The uncomfortable truth is this, the oil that greased the path from meeting a girl to actually dating her exclusively is the money in the man’s wallet.
Nice restaurants cost money. Gifts cost money. All sorts of outings cost money.
And God help the man if the nice girl is the sociable sort. The list of items he has to fork out money for can become endless: a friend is getting married, money. A relative’s wedding is coming up, more money. A death in her cousin’s family, drop money. It is a vicious money circle that never ends.
The young man must give up the cash without a whimper at all times or he risks losing everything.
Would these nice girls ever acknowledge the role money played? No way. All you get by way of a stamp of approval is that the dude is a good guy who seems to be very responsible. A provider. Caring for her needs and that of her family and friends. Trustworthy. A husband material.
The reality of dating is this: any self-respecting young man should stay out of any serious dating if he ain’t got the dough. Anything else, he’d just end up engaging in demeaning things with increasing regularity just to keep that nice girl.
Rita, my friend, is one of several nice girls I know. She took that very personally.